that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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