I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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