ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
