I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
