Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
