I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
