How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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