tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
