How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
