its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
How external is "for external use only"?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
