I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
