They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I am naked and annoyed.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize