So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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