And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
