im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
