1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
