all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
