Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
