I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
