it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My pussy is not your playground.
do herpes really smell.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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