i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
