Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
