I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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