I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
