why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
