I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
