2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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