but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
