You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
