my phone needs a breathalizer
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
