I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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