I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
