Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
