i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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