i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
