I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize