i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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