woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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