I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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