Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I didn't notice because vodka
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
