i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
