my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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