where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
why didn't you poke me back
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
