She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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