If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
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