I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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