I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
