My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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