I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
