Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
