why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
