Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
