Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
