I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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