dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
