I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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