I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
