It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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