I can tuck mytits in my pants
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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