it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
