Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
