I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize