just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
