eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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