Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
