How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
