For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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