Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
