I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
