I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
